Our Little Secret
by Umi Hinode
Summary: With the sudden death of Izaya upon them, Mairu, Kururi, and Shizuo are given a chance to think over the lives they had with the late informant - what it was all worth, what they could have done differently, what was real and what was fake. [Possible AU. Switches between past and present. Slight Shizaya.] [-On hiatus-]
1. Prologue - Blatant Lies

**prologue - blatant lies**

Izaya Orihara was dead.

To many, that was a relieving statement, allowing them to continue their daily lives in the district of Ikebukuro without having to harbor fear for the late informant any longer.

To a small minority, however, Izaya would be missed. Believe it or not, there was quite the gathering at his funeral. His "friends" from his days at Raijin Academy, Shinra Kishitani and Kyohei Kadota, joined by the Headless Rider, Celty Sturluson, and some of Kadota's friends. Akane Awakusu, aided by the Awakusu member by the name of Akabayashi. Izaya's - now previous - secretary, Namie Yagiri. Mikado Ryuugamine, joined by a reluctant Anri Sonohara, alongside Masaomi Kida and Saki Mikajima. Even Shizuo Heiwajima, the man responsible for his death, was obscured in the background with unspoken regrets. This wasn't to say exactly that some in attendance would actually miss him, but it was better than nothing, after all.

However, there were a certain two in the crowd that would miss him. His own flesh and blood - Mairu and Kururi Orihara.

The twins had witnessed their brother's death, and it was not something they would forget, even considering their nature. Under any other circumstances, Mairu and Kururi might not have forgiven Shizuo for what he had done.

However, this wasn't an average family murder. In general, the Oriharas were not a normal family. Everyone knew that, and it was no cover. However, everyone believed that the twins and Izaya had a bit of a sibling rivalry, that Izaya didn't really care for them, that they were simply humans that didn't apply to his god complex. That's what Izaya wanted - he was a self-proclaimed god, meant to be feared, in a sense, and distribute his love for all humans equally.

In the end, his plan failed. He was too stubborn to admit defeat, however. With this, he wanted the twins, alongside Shizuo, to cover up the ties they had with him.

None of the three exactly understood what Izaya's motives were. Then again, he was Izaya Orihara, and who knew what exactly to think of him?

Even with this open idea, the three complied with his orders. Not because they hated him. No, that wasn't it.

It was because they loved him.

So, there the twins stood, on May fourth, of all days, holding hands and staring at the tombstone of their brother.

The service was brief, with Shinra giving a brief eulogy, not another soul daring to speak. Even though Izaya had hidden himself from Shinra, someone he could consider a close friend.

But not close enough.

After the eulogy was completed, Kururi deepened her grip on her younger twin's hand, gazing out of the corner of her eye at Shizuo, while Mairu watched as everyone else left the site. Not the blonde, however.

Once everyone else cleared out, the twins approached the debt collector, gazes solemn in sympathy.

"Do not be upset, Shizuo-san," Kururi spoke lightly, taking her other hand and placing it over the blonde's.

"Hey, what have I told you two about being formal?" Shizuo murmured, eyes lightening up at the two, though a frown was still present on his face.

"Fine then, Shizuo. You should know it isn't your fault," Mairu joined in, placing her free hand on his shoulder.

Shizuo sighed. "In a way, it kind of is."

"Nonsense," Kururi replied, their gazes meeting as she released her sister's hand, the two sitting on opposite sides of the man. "We did the best we could for him. He knew that you couldn't control your anger, and he was never scared of you. That was his choice, not yours."

"I know, but I should've been more careful," Shizuo protested, clenching his fists. "I never even told him…"

Mairu let out a small huff, not entirely amused considering her mood, though slightly. "Are you kidding? This is Iza-nii we're talking about. He had to have known."

"You know, for what his name gives him, he sure isn't observant when it comes to love."

Mairu turned towards Kururi then, the two managing to crack a small smile. "You can be quite romantic when you want to be, Shizuo."

A sense of awkwardness came over the blonde then as he looked down at his hands. "Yeah, well, who isn't…?"

"You and Iza-nii would've been a good couple," Kururi murmured, Shizuo gaping at her.

"H-hey, we're not sitting here to talk about my nonexistent love life," The blonde exclaimed, earning a giggle from Mairu.

"You know, it looks like your kouhai's had her eyes on you for a while now…"

Shizuo blinked. "Vorona?"

Kururi joined in with her twin's giggling then, Shizuo narrowing his eyes at the two, though it was light-hearted - for the most part. "Hey, stop it you two!" he yelped, on instinct letting a hand fly towards Mairu, the bespectacled girl taking a firm grasp on his hand.

"Now, now, Shizuo-san, what have we told you?"

"Right," Shizuo gulped, Mairu releasing his hand. "Sorry."

"Humph," Mairu pouted, folding her arms in a very nostalgic attitude for the trio.

There was a momentary silence in the group as they gazed up at the evening sky, sunset fading into night. "You think he's looking down on us right now?" Mairu asked, Kururi nodding in agreement.

"Knowing him, he's probably already taken over a throne in Valhalla," Shizuo said lightly. "Probably happy that he can be a true god now."

Kururi nodded. "Probably."

"Anyway," Shizuo started, getting up and stretching his arms behind his head. "Don't you two have homework to go do? You still have school tomorrow."

Both twins frowned at him, neither speaking a word.

Shizuo let out an exasperated sigh, turning away. "Forget I said anything. Just go on home, alright? And if anyone gives you trouble, I'll kick their ass."

"You could come with us, Shizuo-san," Kururi whispered, her twin blinking at her in surprise.

"I...I'll pass," Shizuo replied, scratching the back of his neck. "Anyway, I'll see you two around. I'm sorry."

"We understand," Kururi replied, approaching the blonde again and hugging him, Mairu joining in. Shizuo managed a small smile, hugging them back and releasing them after a while, making his way down the street, the twins turning the opposite way.

"We'll see you soon, Shizuo-san!" Mairu called, waving him off. "Yuuhei, too!"

The twins heard him manage a small chuckle. "Don't ruin it, kid!"

Mairu and Kururi smirked at one another, fingers interlocking once more as they skipped down the street back to their apartment, attempting to keep the mood light-hearted as the farewell to their brother echoed fresh in their shared minds.

* * *

**author's note~**

So much for waiting to start a new fic.

/cough Hello everyone~ cx I'm Umi Hinode, and welcome to my second Durarara fic~!

Now, if you're a fan of my other fic, Trial and Error, I imagine you're wondering where the next chapter is. Don't worry, it will be here soon, hopefully. I'm not giving up on it yet.

If you haven't read it, feel free to ignore that. xD"

Anyway, if you've seen my profile, you probably know that I have quite a few fic ideas at the moment. Originally, I was going to wait until I was at least halfway through T&E to start a new fic, but I realized that I can't really put them off for much longer or I'll lose interest, and I didn't want to do that, especially with this fic. I've wanted to write a fic centered around the twins' family life for quite some time, and the premise for this one was actually born when I found the cover art a while back. I've been wanting to write this one probably more than any other (aside from T&E, and of course!) so I thought, why not start off with it?

I want to give you all a friendly forewarning that this will probably mess up updating for both stories, considering I'm in school right now and I'm not really used to handling a lot of things at once. I'll try, though, even if it might mean delayed updates. I'm hoping you all will bear with me, and I appreciate that.

Also, on another note, just to be safe, I put this as an AU fic, as this will mainly be just headcanons put together to form a past for these four. From what I've read of the light novels so far, we honestly don't see too much of Izaya's relationship with the twins, other than what he tells Namie about them and what we saw in the OVA. I've gotten quite attached to the idea of Izaya being a good brother when he wanted to be (thank you, fan art xD) Besides, this is going to have a different take on Shizuo and Izaya during their days at Raijin, so there's another reason for it to be an AU. And because of that, I'm going to apologize beforehand for any OOCness. I always try my best to keep characters in-character the best I can, but there's bound to be a couple of slips, especially considering the whole premise for this fic.

Gosh, this AN is all disorganized. e-e Sorry about that. Just wanted to make a couple of things clear.

Anyway, I'm very interested in the potential this fic has - I'm personally really content with this beginning, which is new - so if you like it, please follow, favorite, review, all that good stuff. xD I really appreciate it. c: Especially considering this /technically/ isn't a Shizaya fic, which we all know is the bulk of fanfics. xD

Now, I'm not sure exactly where this fic is going to go, but I'm going to work on that. As I said, I'm going to try my best to update, though I would count on it being less frequent. Or maybe more - heck, I'm already almost done with the first chapter.

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now, so I'll see you in the next update. cx"


	2. Lost to the Waves

**chapter one - lost to the waves**

_Summer 2002_

"Iza-nii!"

"Brother, please open the door."

Ever since summer had arrived, Mairu and Kururi tried desperately to get their brother to spend time with them, insisting that, with school out, he had nothing better to do but play with them. Izaya didn't speak to them much, however. The twins weren't going to give up that easily, and he knew that. Yet he didn't give in.

Their begging got worse when their parents left for a business trip, almost driving the raven-haired teen out of his mind. Though only six years old, his sisters understood early on that it took a lot to sway their brother.

However, on this particular day, Izaya opened his door, startling the twins, Mairu even tumbling to the ground in shock. Any other time when he opened his door, it was normally to scowl at them and say, "Why can't you two simply play together?" though today, he had a lighter tone, and his scowl was not present.

"What is it?"

After Kururi helped her up, Mairu spoke, "We want to go to the beach."

Izaya blinked, not expecting this sudden change, though a small smirk found its way to his face. "The beach, ne?"

Kururi nodded. "Can you take us?"

"Please?"

Izaya knew he shouldn't have been surprised by their statement - after all, their parents never took them on trips with them. All the twins knew were home, school, and a few parts of town. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad for a change of scenery, even though the beach was a good two hours away.

"You promise you'll behave?"

"Yes!" The twins squeaked in unison, beaming at his question.

"Now then," Izaya said, the twins' complete attention on him. "We'll need to pick up a couple of things before we can head out, and I'm going to warn you now that the train ride there is long."

"We don't care, Iza-nii!" Mairu exclaimed. "Please, take us to the beach!"

"You two are really desperate, aren't you?" Izaya asked, smirk still present.

Kururi nodded. "You never spend time with us."

"And we never go anywhere!"

"At least you have reasoning," came Izaya's reply as he stepped back into his room, returning with his wallet now attached to his belt loop. "Let's go, then."

The twins nodded, following their brother out of their apartment, holding hands as they trailed behind him.

That was another thing the twins disliked. Izaya never held their hands when taking them places, and never looked back when talking to them. It was almost as if they weren't there. Neither of the girls dared to speak up, however. The last thing they wanted was their brother mad.

The train ride was quiet, mostly, with Mairu pointing out different things to Kururi as they gazed out the window, Izaya simply sitting there and gazing around at the other passengers.

"Iza-nii, why are you always looking at other people?" Mairu asked, blinking up at her brother, who was a bit surprised by the question.

"Because humans are fun to observe," Izaya replied, Kururi blinking at him now.

"Observe…" The oldest twin echoed, earning a nod from her brother.

"You know, it's in my name to watch over other people."

"It is?" Mairu asked, exchanging glances with her sister. "I wonder what our names mean…"

"Sadly for you, Mairu means to be very tired or beaten."

Mairu's eyes widened. "It does not! You're just kidding Iza-nii!" The youngest twin protested, Kururi holding her hand to attempt to calm her down. "I'm never tired!"

"What about my name, Iza-nii?" Kururi asked softly.

"Kururi means to whirl or turn, and be complete," Izaya started, Kururi simply nodding at him. "But it also means beautiful."

Kururi felt a bit flustered, echoing her brother's words, "Beautiful…"

It was probably the closest to a compliment from her Iza-nii that she would get - indirect or not.

"At least you get a cool name, Kuru-nee," Mairu said lightly, a hint of jealousy in her voice.

"In a way, you share my name," Kururi replied, shocking her sister. "I'm not complete without you."

Izaya rolled his eyes at the two, wondering how he ended with such sappy sisters, even though it was only the beginning.

Eventually they reached the beach, the twins practically dragging Izaya out of the train towards the ocean, grinning ear to ear.

Once they reached a good spot, Izaya pried from his sisters' grip, setting the bag he had gotten down, laying a towel out, and as he lied down, he looked up to see the twins frowning at him.

"Iza-nii…" Kururi started.

"We brought you here to play with us, remember?"

"I have other things to do," Izaya replied, reaching into the bag, though paused as his sisters didn't budge.

"Like what?" Mairu pressed on.

"Research."

"You're not even in school!"

"Do you just not like us, Iza-nii?"

Izaya was shocked by Kururi's question, sitting up and giving them a faint, reassuring smile. "Of course I like you, I just…"

"Then play with us!" Mairu exclaimed, grasping his arm again, Izaya letting out a small noise of protest as the girls dragged him towards the water.

"So, what exactly do you two want to do, then?"

"Volleyball would be nice," Kururi said gently, Mairu nodding in agreement as she turned to make her way back towards Izaya's bag.

"Now, Iza-nii, you better keep your promise," The younger twin called, grabbing a beach ball from the bag and tossing it to Kururi.

Izaya sighed. "Why, will you drown me otherwise?"

Kururi shook her head, though Mairu was smug for a moment, not replying.

Izaya raised an eyebrow at her in return. "Mairu?"

"I'm just kidding," she spoke, looking over towards her sister.

"Don't we need a net?" Kururi asked, hugging the ball and gazing up at Izaya.

"Iza-nii can be the net!"

Izaya blinked, staring at his sister in question. _She's crazy. _He was about to speak, but Mairu continued before he got the chance. "Just lay down in the sand and we can play that way. When one of us loses, we can be the net."

Izaya let out another sigh, lying down as Mairu told him to, closing his eyes and listening to his sisters carry on for a while. It was a little nice, considering they weren't making him do anything just yet, but that changed a couple of minutes later when he heard Kururi let out a small scream, eyes flashing open as he sat up, looking over to see that the older twin had tripped over a rock, diving face-first into the water after attempting to hit the ball back towards Mairu.

Mairu appeared too frightened to move, but Izaya scrambled to his feet to help Kururi up. She didn't open her eyes quite yet, coughing to get a bit of sea water out of her system and reaching for her cut leg.

"You cut it pretty bad, Kururi," Izaya said, turning towards Mairu and gesturing for her to get his bag. She nodded, tossing it to him and leaving him to search around for a bandage, wrapping it around her leg. "I think you may have twisted it, too. Here, trying moving it."

Kururi obeyed, and sure enough, it was a bit distorted. "I'll be okay, though, right Iza-nii?"

Izaya nodded. "It could've been worse."

Kururi nodded in reply as Izaya helped her stand up, eyes widening as Izaya gave her a small smile.

Izaya never smiled.

"Iza-nii.." Kururi started, though she was cut off by her brother. "How about we just draw a line in the sand, ne?"

Mairu nodded, grabbing a pebble from nearby and dragging it across the sand. "I don't want to see Kuru-nee be used as a net."

"So it's okay for me to be one?" Izaya asked, though Mairu didn't answer.

Kururi managed a small giggle, sitting down close to the edge of the line, watching her siblings go head-to-head in further amusement.

_Thank you, Iza-nii._

_Present_

Kururi shivered at the nighttime breeze, gazing out over the city as she sat beside her sister on their fire escape. Her hand drifted towards her leg as a result of the memory, gazing at the faint scar that stilled remained.

"You're thinking about that day, too, huh?" Mairu asked abruptly, placing her hand over her sister's, interlocking their fingers.

Kururi simply nodded. "I was thinking...maybe we should've cremated Iza-nii."

"And spread his ashes in the ocean?"

Kururi nodded again, leaning against her twin and letting her eyes flutter shut as she whispered, "I think he might have liked that."

* * *

**author's note~**

The Izaya Net, now available at Walmart. /shot

It's finally here! I'm sorry it's not all that long - all of the chapters are bound to be pretty short, save for a select few, but I'm trying. And sorry it took this long. Dx I wanted to get it out on Thursday, but that plan failed. I feel like this could be a lot better, so I'll probably go back and edit it. Eventually. Or maybe add on as the fic goes on. Who knows~

I feel like it's bad that this kinda parallels Trial and Error. This is supposed to be its own, independent fic, but I really couldn't resist this. I'm hoping this will be the only incident - I just love this beach idea, even though I didn't write the whole entire thing. ;3;

Anyway, the next chapter will probably be a bit longer, and will start off with Shizuo~ With Izaya taking over T&E right now, he needs some attention. xD

I'd really appreciate your opinions on the fic so far, though I'm not going to force you all. xD I knew that this wasn't going to be popular, but it would help if you guys would let me know so I can keep writing for the few who want updates. I know I want updates. xD /shot

Anyway, I'll hopefully see you soon~


	3. Absence

**chapter two - absence **

Shizuo didn't sleep that night. He found it impossible, and a part of him didn't want to rest knowing that he had gone a step further. Every time he went a rampage, the most he did was give them supposedly life-threatening injuries, but no one ever died.

Now he had someone's blood on his hands, and it just had to be Izaya's.

_Everyone probably thinks I'm laughing my ass off. Tch. _Shizuo let out a sigh, gazing up at his ceiling the following morning. He attempted to close his eyes, but every time he tried, he was plagued by Izaya's gaze, right before he killed him. The informant hadn't even been scared - in fact, he smiled.

And that made it all the more worse.

The blonde was snapped out of his thoughts, however, when there was a knock at his door. Sitting up and rubbing his eyes, he made his way towards the door and opened it, shocked to see the twins on his doorstep.

"What are you two doing here? Don't you have school?" he asked, though neither replied, Mairu squeezing past him to get inside, dragging her sister behind her.

"We do, but we thought we'd see you before we go."

Shizuo blinked. "You couldn't wait until after?"

Kururi shook her head. "We were worried about you."

"That's sweet, but-"

"No buts, Shizuo-san," Mairu narrowed her eyes, pointing her finger at him. "We know you're blaming yourself for all of this, and we don't want you to, alright? And we know you didn't get any sleep last night." The younger twin frowned, pointing out the bags forming under Shizuo's eyes.

Shizuo let out another sigh, sitting down on the couch, the twins following him and sitting opposite him. "I can't help it. Every time I close my eyes, I see him, and it hurts. I'm sick of seeing people get hurt because I can't control my damn temper," he replied, clenching his fists.

"You're trying, and that's what counts," Kururi said softly, Mairu nodding in agreement.

"Now, we expect you to go to work, alright? We know it's not ideal for you right now, but you can't just stay home and sulk," The younger twin added, earning a reluctant nod from Shizuo.

"Fine. As for you two, stay out of trouble."

Mairu grinned. "We can't help it; trouble comes to us."

Shizuo rolled his eyes in amusement, gesturing for the two to leave. The twins obeyed, though Mairu turned back towards him one more time before disappearing. "We'll be back after school!"

_After school, huh..._

* * *

_August 2002_

The last week of summer vacation was dreaded by anyone and everyone, but for Shizuo, it was that much more worse.

During the summer, Shinra often came to visit the blonde, though rarely would Shizuo step into his friend's apartment. Shinra always protested that he wouldn't perform experiments without Shizuo's consent, but he didn't buy it. So, Shinra went to Shizuo's "unarmed", and life was simple, mundane. Shizuo didn't leave his apartment all that much, so his notorious rank in the city tended to drift away, forgotten for the summer months.

With this, Shizuo fooled himself into thinking that maybe he wouldn't turn back into a raging monster - that maybe one day he'd lose sight of his strength and go back to how things were before. Being able to live as a normal kid in a normal family.

Sadly, this was never - and would never - be the case.

"Can't believe we're already almost back in school," Shinra mused, swinging his legs off the edge of Shizuo's fire escape, the blonde sitting beside him and gazing out over the city.

"It's a little too soon, if you ask me."

"Hey, maybe this year will be better," Shinra attempted to reassure him, giving him a small smile, though Shizuo was still unfazed. "If you'd like, I could-"

"No!" Shizuo exclaimed, covering his mouth in slight embarrassment.

Shinra managed a small chuckle. "Don't worry, not that. I was trying to say I could tutor you."

"Tutor me?"

"Yeah. After we get our first grades back and we see which subjects you need improvement in, I'll gladly help."

"Thanks," Shizuo murmured in an almost-whisper, a bit flustered at the idea of being tutored.

Shinra beamed at him. "No problem," he stopped himself mid-thought, expression slightly faltering. "Hey, if you don't mind, there's someone I'd like to introduce you to."

"Another experiment of yours?" Shizuo smirked, Shinra flailing in response.

"Not funny, Shizuo!"

"Huh. I thought it was very funny."

Shizuo, unbeknownst then, didn't understand why Shinra gave him an odd look at that statement.

"Celty is _not _an experiment, and neither is he," Shinra pouted, though he knew Shizuo didn't mean anything by it. "I feel like you need more friends than just me. Celty, too, but it's not like you see her everyday. I think it might help you."

"I can understand why you'd be stupid enough to become friends with me, but anyone else?" Shizuo raised an eyebrow.

"Other than Celty..."

"Other than Celty," Shizuo managed a small smile, leaving it to instantly fade. "I can't see it."

Shinra chuckled. "I wouldn't call him stupid - maybe just a little insane."

"And what is 'his' name?"

"Izaya Orihara."

Shizuo simply nodded, the name not ringing any bells for him.

_Izaya Orihara..._

**two weeks later**

The walk back to Shizuo's apartment was silent, Shinra not giving a single glance towards his friend for the majority of the walk. Shizuo hung his head as if he were a little kid just scolded by his parents, eyes on the fresh cut across his chest.

_You piss me off._

"I'm sorry, Shinra..."

"What are you apologizing for?" Shinra questioned, stopping the blonde and adjusting his glasses before gazing up at him. "I picked a bad time, that's all."

_Not to mention a bad friend. _Shizuo sighed, continuing to walk ahead in silence for a while. _If you're saying these things, then why do you seem so mad at me?_

"Maybe we can try again when you're in a better mood. I'll make sure he doesn't bring any knives."

"That's reassuring," Shizuo muttered, realizing that they had reached his apartment, turning back towards his friend as he made his way up the steps. "I'll see you later, I guess. And sorry about your door."

"Don't worry about it."

* * *

The following day, Shizuo found Shinra and Izaya sitting in the school courtyard, reluctantly approaching them without a word.

Izaya was the first to notice him, smirking upon his arrival. "Hello, Shizu-chan."

_Shizu-_chan_? _Shizuo blinked at the name, attempting to keep himself calm, though couldn't help but clench his teeth slightly. "Hey, Shinra, _Izaya._"

This only amused Izaya further, the raven-haired student reaching into his pockets, though was abruptly stopped as Shinra firmly grabbed his wrist.

Shizuo managed a small smirk, Izaya narrowing his eyes in return. "Fine, I'll play nice today," he said calmly, turning towards Shinra. "Shinra, please let go of my wrist."

Shizuo knew that Shinra was a bit reluctant, though did as Izaya asked, sneaking the knife out of his friend's pocket and into his bag.

"So, are we going to go?" Shizuo asked, earning a light chuckle from Izaya.

"Someone's in a hurry."

"Well, you do have to pick up your sisters," Shinra finally spoke, Izaya nodding his head solemnly and standing up.

"I suppose," he said with a yawn, stretching and rounding to face Shinra and Shizuo. "Let's go, then."

And so the three walked - if not a bit awkwardly - towards the elementary school, two almost identical figures springing up as they approached the front of the school. At first sight, Shizuo thought that the twins were simply two innocent little girls, possibly opposites based on their appearances, and were normal, nothing else. Little did he know then how wrong he was.

The blonde turned towards Shinra then, opening his mouth to speak but stopped when the girls began to circle at his feet.

"Who are you?"

"Mairu, Kururi, this is Shizu-chan," Izaya stated, gesturing towards the blonde and back at his sisters. "Shizu-chan, Mairu and Kururi."

Kururi simply nodded her head in greeting, though Mairu wasn't finished yet. "Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo sighed. "It's just what your brother decides to call me. I'm Shizuo."

"Shizuo," Kururi echoed, eyes widening in awe as she blinked up at him, cocking her head in question. "Hei...hei..."

Mairu cut her off, instantly recognizing the name. "Hei..wajima?"

Shizuo, flustered by this, gave a reluctant nod. It seemed as if there wasn't a single soul in Ikebukuro who didn't know his name at this rate. Then again, he figured that maybe Shinra had been telling Izaya about him for a while, and maybe his sisters overheard. There really wasn't a way to tell, considering he was quite the topic of the town.

Shinra recognized Shizuo's sudden distress, turning towards Izaya in question. "So, where should we stop today?"

"Hmm..." Izaya thought for a moment, looking up at Shizuo, smug as before. "How about Shizu-chan's place?"

Shizuo narrowed his eyes in response, fists clenching until he felt a weak grasp on his hand. "Please don't be mad, Shizuo-san."

Kururi still looked up at him with wide eyes, pulling her hand away when Shizuo stuttered, "S-sorry..."

"Shizuo, you don't mind, do you?" Shinra asked lightly, a flicker of hope in his eyes, though Shizuo didn't return the gesture.

"Nah, it's fine." _Not.  
_

"Yay! Now we get to know all about Shizuo-san!" Mairu exclaimed, the twins instantly claiming spots on either side of the blonde instead at Izaya's side, skipping after their brother and Shinra.

Shizuo held a growl down in his throat as Izaya let out a small chuckle - that same, annoying laugh that couldn't do anything, it seemed, but piss him off even further. "Careful, Shizu-chan. They might use your answers against you."

_Listen, you little pest. I'm already letting you into my damn apartment. Don't make it any worse. _He was tempted to say, but managed to hold it back, remembering how determined Shinra was. _I can't disappoint him, though... hell, I already have._

Lost in thought, Shizuo had missed part of a conversation between Izaya and Shinra, watching the two carry on, a bit of envy jabbing at him. That should be him and Shinra, with Izaya being the third wheel. Considering Izaya and Shinra already had an established close friendship, Shizuo figured this would be his everyday now. And he certainly didn't want to be stuck like this.

With Mairu and Kururi there, however, he was much more calm, going through with answering their questions for a while, a better mood finally getting to him until he noticed Izaya eavesdropping, letting out a sigh, though didn't say anything.

By the time he wanted to really say something, the group had reached his apartment, Shizuo running up to unlock the door, hesitantly letting Izaya inside after the others, making sure he didn't have any knives hidden. There weren't any, and so, when Izaya wasn't looking, Shizuo went and hid all of the knives from the kitchen, making a mental note to put them back after he left.

"Pretty nice apartment," Izaya commented. "For a one-star one, that is."

"If you're trying to piss me off again, good luck," Shizuo snapped, a bit thankful that Kasuka wouldn't be at home today. Last thing he needed was another episode.

"Looks like I already have."

Shizuo attempted to think of a comeback for that, but fell silent when nothing came to him, sitting down beside Shinra as the Oriharas sat opposite them.

In order to break the silence, Shinra spoke up, turning towards Shizuo. "Mind if I see your grades?"

Shinra recognized afterwards that this was a mistake made, leaving Izaya to smirk at Shizuo as the blonde narrowed his eyes again, digging through his bag for his latest tests.

"Well," Shinra started, looking through them and handing them back to his friend. "I'll be able to help you out with everything - except history, that is."

"History, ne?" Izaya questioned, gaze drifting towards Shizuo again.

"Like hell I'd let you tutor me!" Shizuo spat, slamming his fists down on the coffee table in anger, leaving a small crack in the glass.

Izaya covered his mouth to keep him from laughing, though failed, angering Shizuo even more.

"Hey, Izaya, if you don't mind, I could take the twins home for you," Shinra called, the girls exchanging glances and sliding off the couch, following after him.

"Not at all," Izaya replied, turning back to Shizuo, waiting until Shinra had closed the door behind them, Shizuo watching as the twins gave him one last glance, not in fear, though still slight awe.

_Time to settle this. _Shizuo let out a small growl, standing up and approaching Izaya, who simply retained his smirk, unflinching as Shizuo grabbed him by the shirt collar. "Listen, you damn pest, I don't intend on getting along with you, and I'm sure you can agree on this."

"Who says I don't want to get along with the monster of Ikebukuro?" Izaya asked, reaching into his pocket without a glance to pull out another knife, pointing it to Shizuo's neck. "I think it would be quite interesting."

"Hah?" Shizuo blinked, not releasing him entirely, but loosening the grip. "You must have some sort of death wish."

"I'm not scared of you."

Shizuo was taken aback, both by the phrase itself and how Izaya had said it so meaningfully, losing his smirk as he spoke, even. The blonde decided to let go of him, Izaya almost falling back onto the couch, a bit surprised by Shizuo's sudden change in action.

"Really, if you can learn to stop being so difficult, I could tutor you, maybe become friends for Shinra's sake. Or, we could continue this way, maybe chase each other around Ikebukuro every single day...it's your choice," Izaya taunted, flicking the butt of his knife on Shizuo's nose before turning away, looking back for a brief moment to give him a meaningless wink. "Until tomorrow, protozoan."

_He...he's not scared of me._

* * *

_Present_

Sure enough, the twins kept their promise and appeared on Shizuo's doorstep yet again.

"You went to work, right, Shizuo-san?" Mairu said without preamble, dragging Kururi inside after her, the two sitting down across from Shizuo.

And, for a brief moment, Shizuo swore he saw Izaya sitting between the two, blinking several times to remind himself it wasn't real.

Shizuo wanted to start a conversation with the two, though they were murmuring to each other, seemingly about homework. He about lost it when there was a mention of history.

To avoid having the twins see him being a nervous wreck, Shizuo instantly got up and made his way towards his room, Mairu calling after him, "What's wrong?"

"I just need some time alone."

"No you don't," Mairu insisted, leaving Kururi's side and taking hold of his arm, dragging him back towards the couch. "We're going to get through this together, alright? No more awkward moments."

Shizuo was hesitant at first, though seeing Mairu's determined gaze and Kururi's warm, reassuring smile caused him to crack a small smile himself, sitting down in between the two. "Fine. And, thanks."

"Don't thank us."

Yet, he couldn't help it.

Thanks to them, Shizuo slept that night, still dreaming of Izaya, though his words brought better meaning this time around.

_I'm not scared of you..._

* * *

**author's note~**

Yay, long chapter. xD I personally really like this - better than the last one, even though it doesn't have cute sibling moments, though I feel like it's bad that I adore how I wrote Shizuo and Shinra. ;3; /shot I really wish we got a better look into their friendship, and the whole of the Raijin Four, too.

Also, a review~! Since I can't reply directly to you, may as well do it here. I wanted to let you guys know, first off, that I do read your reviews. There are just sometimes I can't answer them other than a simple "Yeah, I agree. Thanks for reviewing c:" I don't want to give you guys that.

So, here we go~

Personally, I kind of laugh at the idea of Izaya being a good brother all the time - I can really only see him being good when someone brings that good out in him. In the last chapter, his brother-instincts just kind of kicked in and he went with the flow, and while he doesn't have any brother moments here, there is that small scene with Shizuo showing that he does have potential. Honestly, I feel like it would amaze me if Izaya had turned out to be good instead of, well, Izaya. xD His overall attitude makes him such a strong, complex character and I do like looking into that - I may not be pulling it off completely accurately, especially after I classified this as an AU, but as I said, I feel like there's still some potential in him. I personally love the idea of him being good, but I can't see it really in canon. xD"

I didn't answer any questions about Izaya's death so far because I want to give him something meaningful. I don't even know myself at the moment how he died, so I'm probably going to save it for the end and give some vague hints - maybe have Shizuo have recurring nightmares about it? I just can't see him handling his death that well.

So, yeah, stereotypical "thanks for the review", but really, I mean it. I feel like it's unnecessary for me to explain things like this, but I really do love your feedback. cx It might not seem like it, but I do take it into consideration. Changes probably won't be made right away (/cough/ see chapters 1+2 of my other fic) if you guys point something out or make suggestions, but I do keep them in mind. After all, I can't get better if you guys don't tell me what you don't like.

Anyway, sorry for the long AN. xD" This is a really bad habit of mine.

So, for now, the next update will probably be delayed because of the almost-major delay for T&E (I spent way too much time on this - ), but I will have it out soon, hopefully. Though I might spam T&E first.

Whatever happens, I hope I see you in chapter three~!


	4. Pieces of You

**chapter three - pieces of you**

_Iza-nii!_

Exactly three in the morning, and Mairu had already bolted upright, clutching her chest in shock, her breathing raspy as her gaze remained frozen on the nothingness in front of her. These past few days she had desperately tried to convince herself that she would stay strong, though now the grief was sinking in, and there was nothing she could do about it. Blinded by her sudden tears, she feebly attempted to shake herself out of her shock, feeling the tremors run through her body but was rendered useless.

_Why...? Why am I letting this happen? I'm supposed to be strong. _Mairu took in a deep breath, staring down at her shaking hands and pressing them against her, lifting one to dab at her tears. When she could finally see better, considering she didn't have her glasses, she leaned over the side of the bunk bed she shared with Kururi, clearing her throat to speak, though it barely came out in a whisper. "Kuru-nee..."

Her sister didn't stir, leaving her to sit back up before she fell over, sliding down the ladder and grabbing her glasses, straightening them and quietly turning the door knob, peering out into the hallway, though she knew no one would be there. _Right. You can't rely on him anymore._

Inhaling once more, she stepped into the bathroom and turned the light on, narrowing her eyes at the sight of herself. Terrible bedhead, circles under her eyes, her obvious weak expression from crying. Turning the sink on, Mairu splashed water in her face, blinking in hopes that it would help wake her up a bit, maybe calm her down. That plan failed, however, resulting in her slumping against the bathroom wall, burying her face in her hands. _Come on, Mairu. You've lived with just Kuru-nee for a year now. Iza-nii hasn't always been around. Why are you still living on that false hope?_

She wanted that false hope. It was all she could really think about in that moment, and in the days prior. Knowing Izaya, he probably had some plan. He might come crawling out of that coffin in a few days and surprise everyone, shouting to the world, "Hey, I'm not dead!"

Mairu knew it was foolish to think like that, however.

She also knew she was foolish for not living the full life she could've had with her brother. In one way, she could even sympathize with him.

She refused to be weak.

* * *

_September 2002_

Mairu never had nightmares. She tried to be the optimist, always looking on the bright side with her bubbly, light-hearted nature.

There were, of course, the rare occasions where she did have nightmares, but Kururi was almost always there to comfort her twin at the sound of her shrieks.

After seeing her sister hurt, however, bad dreams slowly began to dominate Mairu's mind. She was now constantly seeing bad things happen to Kururi, her thoughts always rendering her useless, unable to help, just like at the beach where she froze in fear.

During this streak of nightmares, Kururi did not stir, leaving Mairu to keep her paranoia to herself. Why did she have to suffer like this? Her sister was fine now, almost! It made no sense to her. What made this worse, however, was how she felt all alone. Her parents were still off on their business trip, and Izaya still barely gave her a second look.

One night, however, Mairu found herself surprised when her door creaked open, her vision blurred, though she knew the figure standing in her doorway.

"Mairu?"

"Iza-nii," Mairu whispered, sliding out of bed and making her way over to her brother, clinging to him desperately. She noticed Izaya tense up at the contact, but he sunk down to her height, hugging her in return.

"Bad dream?"

Mairu nodded, and Izaya held her tightly, ruffling her hair slightly. "Everything's fine now."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

A bit reassured now, Mairu pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes though gave him a small smile. As usual, he didn't return the gesture.

"What did you dream about?"

Mairu blinked, gaze drifting back towards her sleeping twin. "Kuru-nee...she died, Iza-nii. And I couldn't help her."

Izaya merely nodded, taking her hand and leading her over to Kururi, placing their hands over her beating heart. Mairu, startled by the gesture, continued giving a confused glance up at her brother, and he just shrugged it off. "See? She's fine."

"Kuru-nee..." Mairu whispered, not pulling her hand away, though Izaya released his grip and turned away.

"Come on, Mai-chan," he said softly. "You have school in the morning."

"So do you," Mairu replied with a smug look, Izaya rounding to face her with an amused smirk.

"Smart-alec," Izaya murmured, taking his place in the doorway again as Mairu crawled back into bed, though she wasn't done with him yet.

"Why are you up anyway?"

Izaya shrugged. "Just wanted a little midnight snack."

Mairu snorted n slight disbelief. "Did _you _have a bad dream, Iza-nii?"

Izaya avoided her question, gazing out into the hallway and waving her off. "I'll see you in the morning, Mairu."

The following morning, Mairu awoke after sleeping soundly, somehow, both relieved and flustered when she saw Izaya and Kururi waiting on her. Realizing that she had overslept, she began rushing around, noticing Kururi's eyes on her every once in a while, worried that Izaya might have told her. The last thing she wanted was her sister having to worry about her. She could watch after herself, after all!

But so couldn't Kururi.

Mairu tried desperately to drill that into her brain throughout the day, but she found herself attached at the hip to Kururi all day long. It wasn't as if that was abnormal, as they were barely ever separated, but Mairu certainly wasn't blind to her newfound overprotective attitude. Kururi wasn't either, bringing it up about halfway through the day.

"What's wrong?" The elder twin whispered as the two made their way out onto the playground, Mairu freezing and turning away.

"Nothing."

"Mairu."

Mairu paused, facing Kururi once more and tensing at her following question. "You had a nightmare again."

She gulped, reluctantly nodding.

Kururi gave her a teasing smile. "I'll protect you."

Mairu frowned. "That's not...ugh, _Kuru-nee_!"

Her sister simply giggled, Mairu letting out a sigh. "That's not funny."

"I'm sorry."

Mairu tightened her grip on her sister's hand, Kururi turning towards her in alarm. "Don't ever apologize to me. You don't have to be sorry."

Kururi simply nodded, making out a small, "Thank you," though Mairu was already skipping away, ready to continue their day as usual.

Which, it did, for the most part. Their walk home was the same as usual, now regularly joined by Shizuo, and now Shinra everyday with Shizuo's addition, no longer having to choose between the two. Mairu was fine for the majority of the time, however, it was especially clear today that Kururi's leg was still healing from the beach incident, with there also being the possibility of Shizuo going on a rampage. He hadn't done it yet in the presence of the twins, but Mairu knew better than to underestimate him - though he was very kind towards the two. Today, like everyone else, it seemed, the blonde was quiet, and it took Shinra to spark conversation in the group.

"You're pretty quiet today, Mairu. Everything okay?"

Mairu nodded, exchanging a quick glance her sister before they continued on. However, Izaya stopped her once more, pulling her away from Kururi, the older twin occupied in conversation with Shinra.

"I know you were worried today."

Mairu turned away in embarrassment, though Izaya took her hand and gently turned her back so she was facing him. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Mairu. You're only trying to protect her, and it's a good thing you actually care."

"You care about her, too, right Iza-nii?" Mairu asked, catching her brother off guard, though he replied almost instantly.

"I do."

Mairu managed a small smile. "Good."

The group continued on towards Shinra's, Celty greeting them at the door and letting them inside to continue their usual rituals. Mairu, however, attempted to distance herself away from her sister yet again. While Izaya was somewhat helping her, Kururi made it seem like it was a bad thing that she was concerned, though she took it the wrong way anyway. Deep down she knew that Kururi was just teasing and looking out for her, but Mairu was stubborn.

Her plan to sit on the sidelines went awry after a while, with Izaya taunting Shizuo as usual, though once he brought up "tutoring", Shizuo went over the edge. The blonde went as far as to reach for Shinra's coffee table, sending Celty and Kururi into a panic, the two rushing towards him.

"Please don't, Shizuo-san!" Kururi begged, though Shizuo simply turned towards her, nudging her aside. He had planned for it to be a gentle nudge, though the force was strong enough to knock the wind out of Kururi, sending her tumbling to the ground, Celty helping her up and frantically typing away on her PDA, though Mairu beat her to anything.

"Shizuo-san!" The younger twin exclaimed, rising from her spot beside Shinra and folding her arms in disappointment. "Iza-nii and Kuru-nee were only trying to help you, and what do you do? Instead of helping us all, you end up hurting her!" That said, Mairu gazed between her sister and Izaya, the latter losing the fiendish glint in his eyes, instead giving her a small nod of approval. There was clear disappointment written on his face, however, leaving Mairu a bit stumped.

Shizuo awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair, eyes diverting from the twins. "Sorry. I've been a lot more tense today, that's all..."

"We've noticed," Izaya murmured dryly, tossing his folded switchblade between his hands.

"And your brother's not helping."

Izaya grinned. "You're welcome."

Mairu managed a small smile as well, retaking her place beside Kururi, watching as things calmed down in the group and impatiently waiting for time to pass. Before she knew it, however, it was time to head on home, and Izaya had pulled her aside for a moment.

"And you say you're not strong."

Mairu cocked her head in question. "What do you mean?"

"I can't think of any other six year old that would stand up to Shizuo, of all people. A bully, maybe, but certainly not him."

Mairu beamed at his praise, starting to say her thanks but was cut off as Izaya called for Kururi to meet up with them, and saying goodbye to the others.

_I'm strong. _Mairu grinned, content for the rest of the night, and going the first night in a while without a nightmare.

* * *

_Present_

"Who was I kidding," Mairu spat underneath her breath, crawling back under the covers and burying her face in her pillow. "Look at me; I'm a mess."

Much as Shizuo had prior, Mairu did not sleep after that. All night she listened to the seldom passing of cars until the morning traffic began, aided by the air conditioning shutting on and off as she gazed off into nothingness. By the time sunlight peeked through her window, she was so tired she couldn't even feel it. She knew she'd feel it during the school day, however.

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Mairu slid down the ladder, about to begin her trudge towards the bathroom when she heard Kururi stir behind her.

"You know, Mai-chan, we don't cry because we're weak."

Mairu's eyes widened as she turned around to face her sister, letting her continue.

"We cry because we've been strong for too long. Think of how strong you've tried to be. You only cry when no one's around to hear you because you're scared. You shouldn't be."

"Were you up all night too, Kuru-nee?"

The elder twin sighed at the fact that Mairu brushed aside what she said, but crawled out of bed and instead of walking past her sister, she pulled her into a hug, holding her close. Mairu flinched in surprise, though didn't back away. "It's okay. We'll get through this together."

"Promise?" Mairu asked, closing her eyes and resting her head on her twin's shoulder.

"I promise."

* * *

**author's note~**

Two weeks, guys. ;3; I'm so sorry about making you all wait this long. I haven't been able to think straight for the past week and I'm heading back into migraine territory from stress, but I can't really excuse the fact that this is way, way overdue. I couldn't think of anything for this chapter for the longest time, and I really wanted to focus on Mairu this time around, so we finally have this. I know it's short and doesn't really do much, but hopefully it gets the point across. I really want to go more in-depth with the hurt/comfort part of this pic, so hopefully the next chapter will focus more on the present than the past. I can't make any guarantees, but I will say I will try my best to not make you wait two weeks again. I want to get at least one chapter out every week, or maybe bi-weekly if it comes to that.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next chapter~


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